psych-facts:

• JANUARY BABY

Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.

• FEBRUARY BABY

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Highly attractive. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.

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January baby!!

This is the official ‘i care’ symbol. This is how it works:

Basically you reblog this, and your followers know that you care and that they can message you about anything anon or not and you will reply back or at least look at their message.

Lately since I have been here in Japan, I realized only a few factors that i’m really lacking in. The reason I’m posting on here today is just for the living fucks of it!! That’s all you guys really need to know right? I hope so! At least for the time being is that I should stop writing to the people that told me to write to them and haven’t sent out a SINGLE FUCKING THING! That really wouldn’t be a shocker right? I should have learned from my job that people are just naturally assholes and will take anything from you if they have the chance…

  Yep if that is wondering what it is to be a pharmacy tech is that people don’t really care about you they just want to get their shit and want to get better without doing anything about it…  Trust me when obese people come to my window complaining about how they aren’t getting better, but willing sit down and do nothing about it, will suffice I guess… I think it’s mostly to the fact that people are starting to get on my nerves… Mostly, because of the fact that people are SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME... 

  That’s actually true.. Thanks to this job I have no ambition to continue my career in the navy as a Hospital Corpsman.. I have no ambition to actually help dependents that accompany the people that come here… It’s not my actual job to help people, because the have allergies…  Sorry when I was a kid, most of the time it was suck it up!! Kids now days are starting to become real pussies if you ask me… I have noticed that the dreaded holiday is coming up and as I look to my left and my right and notice that there isn’t really a lady that doesn’t really want to be right there… That isn’t only making me even more depressed than I am actually am right now… 

  Even more depressing is… I don’t really want to go home for the holidays to visit my friends and family…. The more that I stay here the more I realize that the people I help in the pharmacy… Are the people that are assholes back in the states.. The question is… WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I GO BACK???  Most of the people that want me back are either the closest of my friends, family, or an old flame that can’t quite get the hint that I don’t want her back… But I guess I’m kind of being unfair… I guess I can say that only 2% of the people that are in the states are actually kind… While the others.. CAN SUCK THE BIGGEST DICK THEY CAN FIND!!! 

  To be honest… I don’t actually plan to go to the states until my last year being in Okinawa, with only a couple of months of left on being on the island.. I actually am planning the go to the Philippines and actually having a good time! Then going back to the states and they haven’t done A SINGLE FREAKING THING! Like you can’t go out and do anything yourself for a change? Does mommy and daddy still have to help you grow up? Or is it that you are too scared to put on your big boy/ girl pants on and watch mom and dad freaking taking care of you?

  Sorry if this offends anybody, but sometimes it takes life to slap you in face that you have to fucking grow up and make grown up decisions.. I joined the military to get away from my life that my parents were creating for me, TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER! So I’m sorry that I have to be stronger, smarter, faster than everybody else, because people want me to be their hero for the fact that they can barely do it themselves! Maybe it’s for the fact that they are now scared of what I had become and then leave me to rot like the rest of the trash they send to die…. For the fact that’s the real reason that I even joined the military was a fail-proof plan to make sure that I didn’t kill myself when I was back home…. 

For the fact that so many things, were happening at one point in time… That it was so Overwhelming events just happened all in one moment… To the point that my heart, my mind, hell even my soul was crushed in one epic blow…. Do you know who helped me? The truth was only one other person who was feeling the exact same pain I was feeling helped me… Honestly My dad is still my hero to this day… I still haven’t told him… The only person that was in pain with me through a divorce, When the rest of my family didn’t care!! NOT MY MOTHER, NOT MY SISTER, OR MY MOTHER’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY! I still remember when I prayed every day to god to on my mom’s wedding day.. That it would rain the entire event, or something that would ruin it… That day I was in my dress blues giving my mom away at her wedding… It was drizzling.. bad enough to ruin it, at least to change the plans… Nobody knew how happy I was to learn of this fact… Nor did I think that anybody actually cares anyway…

  Yep with all of the factors that made me join the navy.. My parents divorce, My best friend not talking to me for me getting back together/breaking up ex, The second side of the last one, and just being alone. All of these factors together.. Just lead my world that took me YEARS to create in my head, in MY IMAGE! About how my inner world is supposed to be…. Turned to dust… Without a helping hand… My inner world shattered, with my sacred place gone, I became very depressed… leading me to thoughts.. that would have ended everything.. So I chose a life that was more demanding to get away from the hell hole of a life that I was trying to run away from.

  I guess that some problems can’t be solved by running away from them.. My confidence level has dropped by many levels that I can’t explain, but only felt.. I don’t want this stupid holiday to come.. Nor do I want to feel like my heart is on a balance going from one side to the other… All I want to do is.. Find the person for me… The person that feels like I do and can feel the feelings of others as well.. So maybe that for what feels like the first time of my life… I.. I don’t feel like i’m alone… That I don’t feel like i’m isolated from the rest of the abyss that is this life.. All I want is somebody… that completes.. me… is that so hard to ask.. In this life… That’s all I want.. Just somebody to spend the rest of my days with…

  So far… I think that’s asking way too much I guess.. Most of my life I had to fight for something.. I guess this is the something that I to fight for the rest of my life for… Because if I didn’t have to… I don’t have very many options… Because the more I try to reason my self out of things.. are the things that are going to hurt me the most…

  Well I guess.. I’ll get off my soap box for now… I thank you guys for allowing me to complain about my problems… It really helps a lot.. Please stay strong and protect the things you love! For the fact that you don’t know how long it will last!

  Last thing.. Do you guys have any questions for me????… Don’t be afraid to ask!! I’m actually a nice guy!! :DDD

Today is one of those days where I don’t feel like I belong with the rest of the world. Though that is not what I’m originally writing here for right now, but those complaints can be at another time right now. Right now I’m in Okinawa, Japan and its a very beautiful island and trust me when I say it is… But ever since I got here there has been a curfew after more strict curfew due to people basically messing it up for everybody else.. Today they raffled for rooms at the new barracks and I was one of the lucky ones to move in there.. I soon learned that after that I pretty much used up all of my luck, pretty much for that moment in particular. Since I was left pretty much doing two jobs by myself for a hour and a half and everybody decided to do their own thing till two people got back from lunch.
Which led me to a thought which I have been having for quite some time now. That thought has mostly been a realization that I have been fighting for most of my life in some way, shape, or form. That’s all I have come to know now since I have been through pharmacy tech school and through hospital corpsman school as well.. I have had to fight for just the basic things, or equally or even more for anything greater than just the basic things. That I have just been fighting and fighting and fighting… To what seems of no avail… To keep fighting just to stay me, just to stay sane… But I fear that sanity left me a long time ago… The saddest thing is that people expect me to keep fighting and that I’m not going to get tired or that I’m not going to slow down or even get wounded… They just expect me just to keep moving, but they just never planned for me to drop. They never planned for me to feel like I’m dirt, because I’m working over 50 hours a week without a good paycheck much less that they are taking money away due to budget cuts..
Though I will always try to fight and that with the sudden realization that I’m going to have to keep fighting for the rest of my life against my will. I have came to a conclusion.. For those who judge me and conclude that I am weak and that I am not worth the dirt that is beneath their shoes… Know this I have fought against all odds to be in the position that I am in today.. Odds that in most of the cases were NOT in my favor or even some cases COMPLETELY NOT in my favor. I can beat the odds, but no this.. I am not a hero, nor am the villain.. I am a soldier of my own purpose.. Not of religion or a common goal.. I am a soldier of a promise I made long ago.. A promise I keep sacred that makes me the villain in some cases where I try to be the hero…
More of the less if you give me a reason to fight for you I will… But without a good enough reason I will walk away… Because this tired fighter is having enough battles of his own to deal with your petty squabbles of day to day life..

Last thing any questions for me?

psych-facts:

Birth Order

· First theorist to consider siblings as an early influence on personality development

· Adler considered birth-order a heuristic to better understand people – it shouldn’t be taken as fact

Birth Order: Only Child

· More likely than others to…

Intereating

Hey party people! How’s it going for you guys?! I hope that it has been well for you! Well it’s been a while since I have posted anything about my life so far in the past months or so. So let’s do a little recap! Well First off I’m your great poster on this blogish thing! Well my parents split up and my mom is now remarried, while my dad on the other hand is working pretty much all the time since I left. 

      After I graduated high school I went into the military to pretty much get away from my problems from my parents divorce. I went into the navy and finished boot camp as an E-2 or a seaman apprentice at the time. After boot camp I pretty much went back to the town growing up from to train to be the rate I am today as a hospital corpsman. From that same town is where I got the news that my mom was soon going to be remarried… I wasn’t fond of that pretty much at all, but like all great military people I faked smiled through everything and was pretty much believed by everyone… Oh great joy.. -_-  

     Anyway I went to the wedding that my mom had and pretty much smiled and waved as everyone was happy and having a great time. At least I was talking to someone that at least I had a relationship with and her name is cindy.  The talking of cindy will be brief but it will sum up everything that pretty much happened with her… Cindy & I met at boot camp and started talking at the day we started the swim portion of boot camp and we kind of hit it off. To tell the truth she helped me through boot camp & during those times I kinda looked forward to seeing her in the up coming days…. Any who to get back on track. After boot camp we started talking even more and eventually we became boyfriend and girlfriend and all that amazing jazz. During sometime in February I drove pretty much all the way to Florida and we had fun together & I thought was the best time I pretty much had with anybody… With her I felt amazing… Eventually as the months past.. Well at least two months.. I just graduated my training at the time.. I think it was a week later… During the time of two months the calls on the phone were brief… we barely skyped at all.. a week later was the longest phone call we had in months… It was a nice conversation don’t get me wrong, but… we were talking and she brought up how she didn’t know how to say something…. Pretty much my heart dropped, because the next few words were said that no man or lady can come back from are the few words that follow.. ” I don’t know how to say this.. I consider us as friends..” Obviously I was pretty heart broken after that. I pretty much was going through a phase that was pretty hard.. and started some bad habits because of the situations that were happening…

   But after all that I started Pharmacy tech school in the navy. Which was pretty difficult and pretty calming since it gave me something to do & something to get me off my bad habits. I started developing new friendships in the navy! I was also hanging out with more & more people since I went to that pharmacy tech school. After pretty much working my tail off to get in the top ten of my pharmacy tech class I got to pick orders 8th and got to pick Okinawa, Japan! WOO man was I excited! I dreamed of going to Japan for years and finally was going to be stationed there for two years! Man I thought my heart was going to explode!

   Well after saying goodbye to all of my friends and family.. I finally went to Japan all by myself to another country for the first time. I made it with a few complications, but safe and sound! So for a short period of time i’m living here in the great island of okinawa and pretty happy for the most part at least for the command….

   But to the real point of why I am posting today.. Well.. The more time I stay here during the holidays, my friends and family’s birthdays special events in life that should be shared with someone the beautiful sights and sounds… Is the more I realize that i’m so socially awkward that  it is really hard for me talking to women more than most men kind of have it here in okinawa… I didn’t realize that until my friends and I that I made here on this island, basically went out for a good friendly time, until we went to a star bucks and these two girls were staring at us but mostly to me & my friend that were sitting at. My friend told me to go talk to them since they seemed like that they were interested in us.. My friend even told me that he would even give me money if I just did it… Successful or not… I pretty much chickened out… well they pretty much told me that I was a pussy and laughed at it… But there were more chances like that even a girl that left a group of friends and stood by herself and STILL DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!

   As I walked by and wondered why didn’t I say anything… The more and more chances that I lose the more that I start to fell depressed and even lonely… I have even started fake smiling while hanging out with my friends, which is supposed to make me feel happy.. Then why do I feel this way… Why does it feel like I can’t do anything… Like i’m just going through the motions of everyday life feeling empty, when I should be feeling happy and joyous of the notion that i’m in another country and should be enjoying it…. i’m even starting to wonder why i’m here.. Or why even when i’m in another country I still have to fight just to be with a lady.. I’m getting tired of having to fight for everything! Even fighting just to be me.. I just can’t wait to be at least 20.. That’s when I’ll start drinking my problems away.. Making them seem like they disappear… Even for a moment just to see them wither away.. I wonder if drinking will be the temporary solution to my problem or even to my soul.. I just wonder will it be worth it in the end.. Or will I have to just keep feeling like my soul is withering away in my heart and that It sometimes feel like it is weeping.. Like I did something that I wasn’t supposed to do or even see… I just wonder if that means i’m losing sight of me or an image of me…..

    All I wonder now is… Will I always feel this way or will somebody find me and love me for me… Because that’s all I every wanted… Just to have a lady stand by my side and be proud that i’m her man.. For me to just to see her smile and be as happy as can be.. Just to feel like time can be endless and that I can finally feel free and as happy as I can be.. Instead of feeling like somebody is missing that is close to being found… and that my heart aches because of it… Like somebody zigged when I zagged the opposite direction… Constantly feeling like I just missed her by a little bit.. I don’t know how to get over this feeling.. Or if it will ever go away.. I’m just hoping that I stay me…

   Just one more thing party people…. Are there any questions for me?

                                                                                     from - C

Hello tumblr fans and people on tumblr how are things going on in your little world? If it’s going pretty good to okay then I’m glad that is happening for you and if it’s not then I kinda know how you are feeling at the moment. Well let me give you a brief summary of what has happened so far up to date. I’m currently in the navy and I am currently in clinicals pretty much learning how to do my job for pretty much the rest of my enlistment. I made it 8th in my class and got to pick orders to where I am going . I’m going to pretty much where I wanted to go for the longest time… JAPAN!!! Yes tumblr fans I am going to Japan where I wanted to go since I was 14 and finally I’m going to be stationed there for I have no idea how long… but who cares I get to go far, FAR away from this stupid town and pretty much a good amount of people that I COMPLETELY LOATHE TO MY VERY CORE!!! Anyways back to what I was writing about in the first place. I am at clinicals and for some stupid reason I have to put up with babysitting bullshit that I have to put up with…. -___- most of them I babysit are fucking older than me by some fucking degree and that they are too lazy to do their fucking job and expect me to do the job that they have to do… 

     The longer that I have to stay at this command and all of the stupid and useless people that are at the same place that I am fucking at is making me think more and more everyday of committing tragedy to myself that I could never take back…, but as the days pass I wonder more and more everyday that if anyone would ever miss me if I am gone or would even care… I’m guessing that only family and a couple of friends would even care if I left this world… I probably wouldn’t even be missed if I did die… all and all if I did commit suicide… I don’t know how I would die if I really had a choice in the matter… After all of this I probably wouldn’t care as long as I left the world but no matter after all… It is just a though after all.. Well goodnight tumblr people and I hope that all is well and just one last thing… Are there any questions?

Hello few tumbler fans It’s been a while but all the same I’m still around but I just don’t post as much as I do anymore but anyway here’s my life so far. Currently I’m in the navy I have been promoted a rank due to just being in Texas for pretty much ever… I am currently in pharmacy tech school thanks to the navy. I have a month and a half left and it litterally sucks for how long I have been here. Currently I am single that hasn’t changed since April but oh well hopefully that will change but who gives a fuck right? Hopefully I get good orders somewhere to pretty much anywhere other than Texas or anywhere around Texas. Just to let people know… I completely hate it at this base!!! Like I cannot express how much hate I have for it.. The people trying to get ahead of each other, throwing people under the bus just trying to get promoted, better grades, better orders, not even fucking trying to help someone out, or trying to fucking act better than you just because they have a little fucking rank that I have a “disorganized” closet. This same hm2 said that hepatitis c was caused by mold…. Hey guess what? It’s not it’s caused by fucking blood and contaminated fucking syringes. The point of this long as rant/ catching up is that I’m just so fucking tired of being nice to people that don’t fucking deserve my kindness and what I have learned from being here for 10 months is that I’m becoming harsher and more rude, mean, and just uncaring and I’m starting to hate to person that I’m becoming, while at the same time… I’m starting to like it.. It’s a lot more stress relieving to just not care about anyone but yourself it’s been a while since I have seen this side of me… Maybe change is for the better… But is it?! Or is it for the worst? Catch you later tumbler people I’m out later - silent leader out

Today after taking a ridiculous test that I some how passed which means someone or something is watching over me for the time being… Any ways the main reason I’m writing this in the middle of the day. Some people just need to know how to grow the fuck up and learn just how to fucking take it! I’m tired of people talking behind my back when I can fucking hear you and at times in the same room, I am also tired of stupid shits just not following orders and have to hurt everyone in the fucking process!! Fucking some people just need to fucking nut up or JUST FUCKING SHUT!!! I recommend fucking picking one quickly or just get out of the fucking way quickly because I’m tired of people just going on their own program and fucking shit up!! I’m just fucking done and I’m not helping fucking anyone, nut the fuck up and do it your fucking self I’m fucking done just leave me alone!!!! Silent leader fucking done!!!