How I feel right now after today
How I feel right now after today
reblog and make a wish!
this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)
OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.
Hopefully it works
oh my fucking god im like crying
Thanks for ripping my heart out douchedick
BOOM HEADSHOT BOOM HEADSHOT BOOM HEADSHOT BOOM HEADSHOT
I CAN DANCE ALL DAY I CAN DANCE ALL DAY TRY TO HIT ME
OMG. This is beautiul
What would happen to me in my life in a nut shell
psych of colours
- JANUARY BABY
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.
- FEBRUARY BABY
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Highly attractive. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.
This is the official ‘i care’ symbol. This is how it works:
Basically you reblog this, and your followers know that you care and that they can message you about anything anon or not and you will reply back or at least look at their message.
Lately since I have been here in Japan, I realized only a few factors that i’m really lacking in. The reason I’m posting on here today is just for the living fucks of it!! That’s all you guys really need to know right? I hope so! At least for the time being is that I should stop writing to the people that told me to write to them and haven’t sent out a SINGLE FUCKING THING! That really wouldn’t be a shocker right? I should have learned from my job that people are just naturally assholes and will take anything from you if they have the chance…
Yep if that is wondering what it is to be a pharmacy tech is that people don’t really care about you they just want to get their shit and want to get better without doing anything about it… Trust me when obese people come to my window complaining about how they aren’t getting better, but willing sit down and do nothing about it, will suffice I guess… I think it’s mostly to the fact that people are starting to get on my nerves… Mostly, because of the fact that people are SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME...
That’s actually true.. Thanks to this job I have no ambition to continue my career in the navy as a Hospital Corpsman.. I have no ambition to actually help dependents that accompany the people that come here… It’s not my actual job to help people, because the have allergies… Sorry when I was a kid, most of the time it was suck it up!! Kids now days are starting to become real pussies if you ask me… I have noticed that the dreaded holiday is coming up and as I look to my left and my right and notice that there isn’t really a lady that doesn’t really want to be right there… That isn’t only making me even more depressed than I am actually am right now…
Even more depressing is… I don’t really want to go home for the holidays to visit my friends and family…. The more that I stay here the more I realize that the people I help in the pharmacy… Are the people that are assholes back in the states.. The question is… WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I GO BACK??? Most of the people that want me back are either the closest of my friends, family, or an old flame that can’t quite get the hint that I don’t want her back… But I guess I’m kind of being unfair… I guess I can say that only 2% of the people that are in the states are actually kind… While the others.. CAN SUCK THE BIGGEST DICK THEY CAN FIND!!!
To be honest… I don’t actually plan to go to the states until my last year being in Okinawa, with only a couple of months of left on being on the island.. I actually am planning the go to the Philippines and actually having a good time! Then going back to the states and they haven’t done A SINGLE FREAKING THING! Like you can’t go out and do anything yourself for a change? Does mommy and daddy still have to help you grow up? Or is it that you are too scared to put on your big boy/ girl pants on and watch mom and dad freaking taking care of you?
Sorry if this offends anybody, but sometimes it takes life to slap you in face that you have to fucking grow up and make grown up decisions.. I joined the military to get away from my life that my parents were creating for me, TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER! So I’m sorry that I have to be stronger, smarter, faster than everybody else, because people want me to be their hero for the fact that they can barely do it themselves! Maybe it’s for the fact that they are now scared of what I had become and then leave me to rot like the rest of the trash they send to die…. For the fact that’s the real reason that I even joined the military was a fail-proof plan to make sure that I didn’t kill myself when I was back home….
For the fact that so many things, were happening at one point in time… That it was so Overwhelming events just happened all in one moment… To the point that my heart, my mind, hell even my soul was crushed in one epic blow…. Do you know who helped me? The truth was only one other person who was feeling the exact same pain I was feeling helped me… Honestly My dad is still my hero to this day… I still haven’t told him… The only person that was in pain with me through a divorce, When the rest of my family didn’t care!! NOT MY MOTHER, NOT MY SISTER, OR MY MOTHER’S SIDE OF THE FAMILY! I still remember when I prayed every day to god to on my mom’s wedding day.. That it would rain the entire event, or something that would ruin it… That day I was in my dress blues giving my mom away at her wedding… It was drizzling.. bad enough to ruin it, at least to change the plans… Nobody knew how happy I was to learn of this fact… Nor did I think that anybody actually cares anyway…
Yep with all of the factors that made me join the navy.. My parents divorce, My best friend not talking to me for me getting back together/breaking up ex, The second side of the last one, and just being alone. All of these factors together.. Just lead my world that took me YEARS to create in my head, in MY IMAGE! About how my inner world is supposed to be…. Turned to dust… Without a helping hand… My inner world shattered, with my sacred place gone, I became very depressed… leading me to thoughts.. that would have ended everything.. So I chose a life that was more demanding to get away from the hell hole of a life that I was trying to run away from.
I guess that some problems can’t be solved by running away from them.. My confidence level has dropped by many levels that I can’t explain, but only felt.. I don’t want this stupid holiday to come.. Nor do I want to feel like my heart is on a balance going from one side to the other… All I want to do is.. Find the person for me… The person that feels like I do and can feel the feelings of others as well.. So maybe that for what feels like the first time of my life… I.. I don’t feel like i’m alone… That I don’t feel like i’m isolated from the rest of the abyss that is this life.. All I want is somebody… that completes.. me… is that so hard to ask.. In this life… That’s all I want.. Just somebody to spend the rest of my days with…
So far… I think that’s asking way too much I guess.. Most of my life I had to fight for something.. I guess this is the something that I to fight for the rest of my life for… Because if I didn’t have to… I don’t have very many options… Because the more I try to reason my self out of things.. are the things that are going to hurt me the most…
Well I guess.. I’ll get off my soap box for now… I thank you guys for allowing me to complain about my problems… It really helps a lot.. Please stay strong and protect the things you love! For the fact that you don’t know how long it will last!
Last thing.. Do you guys have any questions for me????… Don’t be afraid to ask!! I’m actually a nice guy!! :DDD
Today is one of those days where I don’t feel like I belong with the rest of the world. Though that is not what I’m originally writing here for right now, but those complaints can be at another time right now. Right now I’m in Okinawa, Japan and its a very beautiful island and trust me when I say it is… But ever since I got here there has been a curfew after more strict curfew due to people basically messing it up for everybody else.. Today they raffled for rooms at the new barracks and I was one of the lucky ones to move in there.. I soon learned that after that I pretty much used up all of my luck, pretty much for that moment in particular. Since I was left pretty much doing two jobs by myself for a hour and a half and everybody decided to do their own thing till two people got back from lunch.
Which led me to a thought which I have been having for quite some time now. That thought has mostly been a realization that I have been fighting for most of my life in some way, shape, or form. That’s all I have come to know now since I have been through pharmacy tech school and through hospital corpsman school as well.. I have had to fight for just the basic things, or equally or even more for anything greater than just the basic things. That I have just been fighting and fighting and fighting… To what seems of no avail… To keep fighting just to stay me, just to stay sane… But I fear that sanity left me a long time ago… The saddest thing is that people expect me to keep fighting and that I’m not going to get tired or that I’m not going to slow down or even get wounded… They just expect me just to keep moving, but they just never planned for me to drop. They never planned for me to feel like I’m dirt, because I’m working over 50 hours a week without a good paycheck much less that they are taking money away due to budget cuts..
Though I will always try to fight and that with the sudden realization that I’m going to have to keep fighting for the rest of my life against my will. I have came to a conclusion.. For those who judge me and conclude that I am weak and that I am not worth the dirt that is beneath their shoes… Know this I have fought against all odds to be in the position that I am in today.. Odds that in most of the cases were NOT in my favor or even some cases COMPLETELY NOT in my favor. I can beat the odds, but no this.. I am not a hero, nor am the villain.. I am a soldier of my own purpose.. Not of religion or a common goal.. I am a soldier of a promise I made long ago.. A promise I keep sacred that makes me the villain in some cases where I try to be the hero…
More of the less if you give me a reason to fight for you I will… But without a good enough reason I will walk away… Because this tired fighter is having enough battles of his own to deal with your petty squabbles of day to day life..
Last thing any questions for me?